Currently, my prayer that I think about quite often and have been often reading from my Bible is from the beginning of Psalm 51:
Psalm 51:1–12 (ESV)
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
While David cried out to go out of anguish of a different kind, it is still anguish that I feel. I know that I am going to be stronger for it when I am out of this trial, however, it is still difficult. For God promises me that He will use me through all of this(2 Corinthians 1:3-5, ESV). However, I must admit, sometimes, it’s more difficult than others. Some days, it is very difficult to even find my joy, nevermind keep it. The other day, my daughter asked if I could get a job the next day so we could have enough money to buy a toy she wanted, but we didn’t get because of money. It really broke me. I have been applying all over the place, from retail to grocery to office jobs and even a teaching position. Most have turned me down. Some have never even got back with me. And there are a few that are too recent of interviews to count out.
However, in the time being, I am serving at my church in the capacity of Director of Family Ministry and Outreach, working on reaching the families both within the church and within the community. Each day, I need to work hard remember this, from 1 Thessalonians:
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16–18, ESV)
Soli Deo Gloria